Suicide of a Physics Professor

Back when I was in college, I woke up early in the morning by the phone.

A friend/classmate called and told me a Physics professor we both had died.  He killed himself.  He had been going through personal problems for a long time.  He was from France.

He specifically told her to make sure I would go to his funeral, that he was in love with me.  I freaked out and didn't know what to do.

She called on the day of the funeral at 8am, and the funeral was at 9am.  She never told me the address of the funeral.

I did not approve of him killing himself.  I see that as weak.  So I refused to go to his funeral.  

I have a better understanding now.

Underneath, in my young mind and for years, I unconsciously feel it was my fault that the Physics Professor killed himself and guilty for not attending his funeral.  Still do.....